Signs of potty training readiness

A child who is getting ready to use the potty usually shows it in 3 ways: noticing what their body is doing, being able to picture the potty and get there, and having the words to ask for help. The AAP describes readiness as more than physical. Memory, concentration and understanding what adults say all play a part.

There is no single sign that means go. It is a cluster, and it builds over time.

Body signs

The first step, the AAP explains, is a child linking a feeling of fullness inside with the pee or poop that follows. Before that connection exists, there is nothing for the potty to be for.

Signs the AAP mentions that this awareness is growing:

• discomfort with a wet or dirty diaper
• pulling at the diaper, trying to take it off, or resisting diaper changes
• enjoying time without clothes
• a lot of interest in their own body, including wanting to name the parts used for the toilet

The last one can make for some memorable conversations in the supermarket. The AAP sees it as useful: a child who is curious about their body is more open to hearing how it works.

You can help the connection along by narrating. The AAP suggests short, plain phrases in the moment, such as “You’re peeing” or “You need to poop.”

Thinking and language

Using the toilet is a longer chain of steps than it looks. The AAP lists them: notice the signal, picture the potty, remember where it is, plan how to get there, stay put until finished, and ask for help if needed.

Signs the thinking side is coming together:

• Picturing things that are not in sight. A child who can hold a picture of the potty in mind, and walk to the bathroom to find it, has one of the core pieces.
• Solving small problems. The AAP points to everyday examples, like working out how to reach a toy or negotiating for a cookie. The same skills carry over to the bathroom.
• Remembering. As memory improves, children can keep track of where they were heading and learn from earlier tries.
• Resisting distraction. Pausing a game to go, and not getting sidetracked on the way, comes with time.

Language matters at both ends. Early on, the AAP says, a child needs to understand adults’ explanations and directions. Later, they gain the words to say what is wrong, describe a fear and ask for help.

Feelings about the potty

Imagination grows alongside memory, and the AAP notes it can bring new fears with it: of the flushing toilet, or of being flushed away. To an adult it is plumbing. To a toddler it is a loud hole that eats things.

The AAP’s stages page adds that many young children are proud of their poop and anxious about letting it go, and that fear or a wish for privacy and control can add to the reluctance. Hiding to poop, or crying when it is flushed, is common at this age.

What helps, according to the AAP:

• pretend play with dolls, stuffed animals or puppets using the potty
• staying calm and asking your child why, rather than scolding
• letting your child tip the poop from the potty into the toilet and flush it themselves, which can make the whole thing more appealing

Getting started

The AAP suggests watching for the signs above to choose the time to begin, rather than going by the calendar. From there:

• Give them time on the potty. Sitting there, and hearing praise when something happens, links the urge to the potty more effectively than a long explanation.
• Keep the words simple. The same plain phrases you used for narrating carry straight over.
• Expect skills to arrive separately. The AAP notes many children learn to pee in the potty before they poop there, sometimes months apart.
• Leave nights out of it for now. Staying dry at night often comes months or years after daytime training, and the AAP suggests downplaying night training in the toddler years, since conflict over night accidents can spill into daytime resistance.
• Respond calmly to accidents. The AAP says nearly every child wets the bed at night at least a few times before toilet training is done.

One approach across every caregiver

Because each skill arrives on its own schedule, the AAP says another child’s progress tells you very little about yours. That holds for cousins, the neighbor’s twins and whatever the group chat is reporting.

What does help is the adults agreeing among themselves. A child who hears “You need to poop” from one parent, a different word from a grandparent and a long lecture at daycare has 3 systems to learn instead of 1. Many families settle on the same words, the same calm response to accidents and the same kind of praise, then share them with everyone who does changes. When Priya and Sam started with Arjun, they wrote their 2 phrases on a note for Jo before she babysat.

Sources

• Potty Training Readiness: Thinking, Language & Developmental Milestones — HealthyChildren.org (American Academy of Pediatrics)
• Stages of Toilet Training: Different Skills, Different Schedules — HealthyChildren.org (American Academy of Pediatrics)

This is educational information from public sources, not a replacement for advice from your child’s healthcare professional.

In Withya, notes in Care help daycare and home keep the same approach.