Toddler tantrums: what is normal at this age

Tantrums are most common between the ages of 1 and 3, and the AAP says they tend to get better after 3. They are a normal part of this age, not a verdict on your parenting or your child’s character.

The CDC puts the reason plainly: toddlers and preschoolers have strong emotions and limited language, so frustration comes out in the body before it can come out in words.

Around this age

A child of 18 months has feelings the size of a thunderstorm and roughly 30 words. Anger and sadness feel enormous at this age, and most of a toddler’s communication is still nonverbal, so the floor of the grocery store is where the message lands.

Underneath it, according to the CDC, is the other thing happening at this age: children are developing emotional and physical independence, and that can look like pushing away from the adults they love most. Wanting to do it themselves, and not being able to, is a daily collision.

The AAP notes that how often tantrums happen varies from child to child, and is more about temperament than about how much attention a child gets. Some children have several a week and some have several a day, with the same parents doing the same things.

Timing is usually honest. Hunger, tiredness, the end of a long day, transitions, and being asked to stop something enjoyable are the reliable triggers.

What families usually do

Notice and name the feeling. The CDC’s emotion coaching steps are notice, connect, listen, name and find a good solution. Naming sounds like this: “I see that your blocks fell. Are you feeling angry?” The CDC’s line is worth keeping: all emotions are acceptable, not all behaviors are.

Offer a small choice. Two options you can live with gives a child some control in a day where adults decide nearly everything.

Distract early. A change of room, a song, a different object. The AAP lists distraction among its tips, and it works best before the storm has fully arrived.

Pick the battles. The AAP suggests saying yes where you can, so that the noes that matter carry weight.

Know the limits of the day. Asking a tired, hungry 2-year-old for one more errand is asking for what happens next.

Step in for anything dangerous. Hitting, biting or running toward a road is a moment to respond firmly and immediately, and to make clear it is not allowed.

Give attention to what you want more of. The CDC’s parenting materials suggest responding to wanted behavior more than punishing unwanted behavior, and telling or showing a child what to do instead.

Take your own break. The AAP says to walk away for a moment when your frustration is building, if your child is safe. Nobody handles this well on an empty tank.

Afterwards, the repair matters more than the lecture. A cuddle and a short sentence about what happened does more at this age than an explanation the child cannot follow.

When to call your pediatrician

Bring it up at a well-child visit, or sooner, if tantrums are frequent and severe, if your child hurts themselves or others, if the tantrums are not easing as your child moves past 3, or if you are finding it hard to stay calm. The AAP suggests talking with your pediatrician about behavior that worries you, and asking for support at home so you are not absorbing it alone.

Sources

• Top Tips for Surviving Tantrums — HealthyChildren.org (American Academy of Pediatrics)
• Tips for Understanding and Enjoying the Early Years — Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
• Tips for Noticing and Naming Emotions — Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
• Positive Parenting Tips: Toddlers (1–2 years old) — Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

This is educational information from public sources, not a replacement for advice from your child’s healthcare professional.

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